Essays

The Greenlighting Difference


By Tatini Goler

At age 28, my inner world fell quite naturally into a shift in orientation whereby my attention moved away from the outer material world of relative phenomena and into the exploration of my inner world. The perennial questions "Who am I?" and "Why am I here?" moved me to leave the country of my birth and go on an adventure.

My "Search" for Truth began. Inspired by the contemporary Indian mystic Osho, I started meditating (mostly Vipassana, Zazen and Osho active meditations) and simultaneously engaging in many therapy groups and extensive individual therapy. My 10 years as an Osho disciple were followed by five years of deep immersion into various other teachings such as shamanism and Advaita (I had a non-dual awakening) and self-expression through singing and dancing (I love Gabrielle Roth's 5 Rhythms).

As a result of my meditation practice, 15 years later, the flame of consciousness shone brightly and was a source of freedom, expansion and uncaused joy.

As the result of all the deep therapeutic work, which consisted of simply (but not simple) bringing presence to and recognizing psycho-emotional patterns, I began to experience much more freedom from my conditioned personality. I had access to expanded infinite consciousness and knew my inner psychological world well - yet there was still something missing - the dots didn't line up and a strong sense of feeling split continued to fuel my search.

Luckily, I experienced a very painful romantic relationship breakup which made it clear to me that something needed to shift in how I was engaging in relationship. And, how timely that Saniel and Linda were offering their Tantra of Trust relationship workshop which I felt compelled to attend!

During this workshop, in my allotted hour of personal sharing time, I experienced for the first time the deep, profound holding space of unconditional love that greenlights and feelingly associates with everything that arises in and as me in the field of conscious awareness. Saniel and Linda's listening to and commenting on what I shared was incredibly supportive and loving and at the same time very insightful. They took me and "my story" for real! And they communicated to me both in spoken words and unspoken energy that I am worthy of being seen and being loved. I experienced a deep relaxation into parts of myself that I hadn't been in touch with and it wasn't a mental knowing but rather a physical reality: there was an aliveness that originated in my body--I was coming alive! I was turned on and immersed myself into the work.

After six months of being given permission to feel, deeply associate with, and become all that is arising in the field of my conscious awareness, I had my 2nd Birth awakening: the dots finally lined up - I had arrived - I knew without a doubt: I am here now!

My "search" for Self and Truth ended with my 2nd birth and "finding" of my human embodiment and the ongoing integration and exploration of my conditioning is happening from a different "motivational foundation": the recognition process has changed from a practice of getting distance and freedom from my human suffering to a natural organic unfolding and deepening that is happening spontaneously on its own accord in order to continuously associate more and more deeply with all that is "Tatini". In this recognition yoga process, a deep lasting transformation and releasing of patterns that are not life sustaining any longer is naturally occurring.

And, the best yet: I know not only who I am but why I am here: in May 2008 I began teaching the Waking Down process and have had the immense joy to accompany my students on their own awakening journey. Now, as a Trillium Awakening teacher, I have the honor to witness countless times that in the atmosphere of greenlighting, the recognition process for each individual unfolds and comes to fruition in the knowing that we are paradoxically simultaneously finite and infinite, conditioned and unconditioned, free and bound.

 

Tatini Goler
  Gazing Video 2010
  The Greenlighting Difference