Krishna Gauci

About the Trillium process

A word about these concepts:the Trillium process is engaged in Mutuality with the larger community so actual comprehension of it is only possible in that context.

It is by nature an experiential teaching and it is not something that can be understood simply by learning the terms associated with the process. We suggest that you use the de scriptions below as a starting point for explorations in mutuality with others in the process. We especially encourage you to ask various Trillium Awakening teachers about their own personal experience of what you read here. In this way they can pass on to you what is in essence their unique oral commentary based on experience, one which eludes the written word and can put living flesh on the dry bones of concepts. This is at heart a teaching conveyed in relationship.

Realizing your Self Beyond Limits: "Consciousness"

The exploring, ever deepening recognition and claiming of your nature as Consciousness. Our Conscious nature is free of definable limits and yet it is in intimate relationship to this definable life of limits.

The clarification of our undefinable Conscious nature paves the way for the recognition of the underlying unity of that formless Consciousness with all definable, lived existence. That Paradoxical Unity of the finite (definable) and undefinable formless Consciousness is known as Onlyness . Awakening to this paradox of Onlyness is known as "the 2nd birth".

In this form of embodied awakening your sense of identity shifts from exclusive identification with your separate definable human body/mind to an expanded identity as both undefinable Consciousness and the definable human self, with a distinct feeling-sense of being non-separate from all you perceive.

Trillium Awakening is a path of spiritual awakening and unfolding but this form of awakening does not imply or require perfection or extensive purification.

Dropping Down into the Feeling Heart: "Embodiment"

The exploring, ever deepening recognition, and claiming of your own unique bodily human life.

Ultimately falling into, and living as, The Vulnerable Sensitivity at the Heart of Life; the Core Wound, which is the paradox and rawness of simultaneously being both undefinable consciousness and finite definable matter.

This awakening into non-separate embodiment makes it possible to uncover wounds and shadow material that was previously too difficult to access.

Investigating emotional broken zones to free up trapped energy and attention and thereby become fully alive and freely self-expressed.

The capacity to experience uncomfortable feelings increases our capacity to experience nurturing and pleasurable feelings as well. This "stretching" brings us in touch with a more authentic sense of ourselves and a deeper sense of life in general.

"Embodiment" work includes embracing every dimension of our human lived existence. All of the energies of the body, whether they are: subtle/soul, emotional, sensual, or sexual, are all included in this integral embodiment.

Embracing and becoming the messy, juicy, delightful, uncomfortable, joyful and sorrowful mystery of this incarnate life.

The Art of Awakened Relating: "Mutuality"

"The exploration, ever deepening recognition and claiming of your nature in relationship with "others". Deeply acknowledging the way in which we live in a world of others.

Teachers are available and vulnerably revealing of their human-ness helping to create a container for deep love and trust to grow.

By interacting with others in mutuality we avoid the tendency to isolate into our own personal subjective sense of things even as we validate it. Empowering our personal truth without testing our ability to be with others in their own truth can often be a liability in our awakening and personal shadow work. In mutuality we have the chance to "test" our new sense of ourselves in the field of relationships and be reflected back to ourselves.

Mutuality encourages vulnerable self-expression: daring to speak our truth, even when it might be unpopular. It also encourages the recognition of how others are affected by what we say and do and taking responsibility for our effects on them. It involves the holding of others in respect: profound conscious listening and reflecting.

Recognition and calling forth of the divinity in one another, as well as interactions that bring us into encounters with our old patterns further integrates both the "Consciousness" and "Embodiment" dimensions in each other and ourselves.

This is an essential part of our process of transformation and integration. There is a catalytic factor that happens in the triangulation of awakened relating that is hard to quantify and is quite mysterious. When two or more people share from the heart in honesty something bigger (more than the sum of the parts) happens.

The Problem with Seeing Life as a Problem: The "Hypermasculine" tendency

It is the historic human attitude of distrust of life, driven by the feeling that "it's not okay yet" and "it's not enough", and the habitual stance of seeing life as a project.

It is our tendency to try to conquer the life of definable limits (improving life and self) or to try to leave the life of definable limits (transcending life and self) in an effort to avoid feeling and truly acknowledging those limits.

Contracting feeling and attention from our actual bodily experience (disassociating) we "live in our heads" and superimpose formulas on ourselves, other people, and life itself, in order to try to overcome the limits we perceive.

There is nothing to do about the Hypermasculine tendency other than to notice it as we see it arise, Greenlighting it and being with it as it is.

Trying to fix or stop the tendency of seeing our situation as a problem would only be another version of the tendency itself.

The Hypermasculine is our way of avoiding the vulnerable sensitivity at the heart of life, avoiding becoming conscious of and conscious as that vulnerability.

The Rot is the unwilled way that the Hypermasculine unravels so that we drop into being that essenial sensitivity (the core wound).

Melting into limits: The Way we Change Effortlessly: "The Rot"

The experience and stage at which we become awakened to the fact that our old ways of dealing with things is no longer working and we are helpless to do anything about it, or doing anything else seems like another version of what we are experiencing already.

The Rot is the unwilled way that the hypermasculine unravels. The Consciousness and Embodiment dimensions explored in the context of Relatedness indirectly allow the Rot to become a productive transition, without any need to "fix" or change. The recognition of the value of this rotting and the removing of all sense of stigma from it is a key to trusting our own process.

We essentially rot out of the hypermasculine tendency into the core wound until it becomes conscious as the paradox resulting in the second birth.

The Vulnerable Sensitivity at the Heart of Life: "The Core Wound "

It is the feeling sense that is inseparable from (and in that sense another name for) the paradox of being both definable limits and undefinable Consciousness which is at the center of incarnate human life. In essence it is what we are as long as we live.The terms "core wound" and "the paradox" are two sides of one coin and two names for what we actually are, one phrase is what we are and another how it is experienced. Although they are one thing it can be useful to think about it this way: We are the paradox and we feel or register that paradox as the core wound.

The Wound is experienced differently and functions differently (has a different effect) depending on whether we are consciously living and being it or we are unconsciously avoiding being it.When it is unconscious it is experienced as a fundamental split at the core of one's sense of self, an existential angst or feelings of confusion, separateness, and insufficiency. As it becomes conscious it is increasingly experienced as the vulnerable heart of life in non-separate union with and compassion for all.

What is unconsciously resisted is the experience of being both finite, definable human beings AND undefinable Consciousness, occurring in a paradox of simultaneity. This is non-logical and threatening to our sense of identity so it cannot begin to be fully felt and lived until we have sufficiently rotted out of hope of fulfillment for the separated self through the hypermasculine manipulation of reality.

Clarification of both dimensions of our being must be sufficient before it is safe enough to relax into experiencing ourselves as both sides of this paradox at the same time. This rawness is not the result of any of our personal or childhood issues but is rather the feeling of vulnerability at the core of incarnate existence. It is not an indication of anything wrong or sinful but rather that we are aware of definable limits even as we (at some level) intuit the limitlessness of our undefinable nature, and the contrast is unconsciously resisted. This unconscious comparison is the unconscious Core wound.

As this paradox is made conscious the way that it is experienced changes and the amount of resistance to it lessens. The Second Birth is the beginning of consciously living as this wound. The Second Life is the ongoing lived process of freeing energy and attention from resisting life as this essential sensitivity. As we live as the wound consciously it gradually is experienced as the Conscious Wound of Love and Mystery, a source of incarnate well-being.

Resistance to, and avoidance of this core sensitivity has unconsciously been the motivating factor of much of humanity's development. We have been very creative in our efforts to avoid, distract, fix, and numb ourselves to the vulnerability at the heart of life. Nothing wrong in this, it's just that this effort at progress is never enough to "solve" what is actually not a problem. The wound is never solved, but rather made conscious, felt and lived. Creativity on the basis of consciously living the wound of compassion is in principle not motivated by the hypermasucline effort to avoid the experience of vulnerability.

The more this is made conscious the more there is love and compassion in relation to our situation and the situation of all sentient beings. The more conscious our embrace of this situation the more at home we are as the vulnerable sensitivity at the Heart of Life and paradoxically, the deeper our sense of fundamental well-being. We find ourselves experiencing the paradox not as a problem to be solved, but as mystery to be lived.

Emerging as Living Paradox: "The Second Birth"

A life transition in which there is a permanent and fundamental shift of your sense of what you are such that you experience yourself paradoxically, simultaneously both undefinable and definable.

This is a dropping into the vulnerable sensitivity at the heart of Life, such that we become more and more conscious of actually being (rather than just observing or feeling) that Sensitivity itself.This shift can happen suddenly or gradually.

The center of awareness shifts from head (mind) to the heart (feeling) where it fuses into feeling-union with the body/mind, becoming self-aware and experiencing its existential nature as the same in essence with all that is.

The Pull to Fellowship through Awakened Relating: "The (2nd) Emerging Life Disposition"

Being in a receptive disposition to continuing transformation through availability to the Field of Self and Other.

Living life rooted in the recognition that awakening companions catalyze your growth and development.

This impulse toward living life in mutuality is conducive to awakening to your Conscious nature, having your Second Birth awakening and further emerging realizations as well. It is a lifestyle choice that creates a life of continuous deepening, transcendence and integration.

© 2011 & 2015 by Krishna Gauci, who gives everyone the right of free use